Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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