My room smells like vodka and shame
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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