Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
