I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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