Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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