i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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