can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
