Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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