Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
