she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
