he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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