Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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