I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
its liver damage thursday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize