If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
