someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize