I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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