Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
