i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
