Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
