someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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