dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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