just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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