16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
