R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
