Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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