Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
