Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
