Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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