worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
