So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
