last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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