Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
