Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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