we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
