She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
