she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
