It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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