I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
