She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize