I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
