I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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