I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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