are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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