Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
