Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
