She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
