Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
