I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
