He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
