I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Randomize
