sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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