ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
