I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
