Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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