I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
