Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
