Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
