My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
