I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize