Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
