My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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