i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
