dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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