I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
